If It Weren't, Even So
by Silver Miko
Summary: R. Right after the battle with Ail and Ann. There's a question between Usagi and Mamoru that each need answered before they can really be together.


Author's Note: Set right after the last battle with Ail/Ann. Like, really right after.

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If It Weren't, Even So

by Silver Miko

She was exhausted, and she had some bruises but it was alright. Those bruises were gained by protecting her loved ones, they spoke of her love. For her friends. For him. She could bear the soreness. She looked to her left, there he stood next to her holding her by the waist once more. They were holding each other as the two alien beings floated away, breaking apart from their hold under the speculation (more like interrogation) of the other sailor senshi to be barraged with a bunch of questions that had no quick answers. It was all still sinking it, was it not?

He looked down at her, and smiled and her heart fluttered. He remember! He finally remember it all!

The Dark Kingdom, being Tuxedo Kamen, their first actual meetings and arguments, the Silver Millennium, that last battle.

It had all finally worked out...but then why did she feel uneasy and unsteady? Wasn't this the moment she was wanting since Luna restored her memories?

But something nagged at her, in her mind.

_Even though he remembers, is this what he wants? _

He was still smiling at her and she smiled back, a little strained. There was a flicker in his blue eyes, a question.

After their many unaswered questions, Sailor Jupiter glanced between Sailor Moon and Mamoru and noticed they seemed rather put on the spot. Well, after everything they just went through did they really want to answer all these silly girly questions? Enough teasing, they needed to be alone.

She glanced over to Sailor Venus, the senshi of love, and the blonde senshi seemed to understand, and nodded.

"Okay guys, we've had our fun poking at them. We should get going home, I know I could sleep for a decade at this point!" she said with a laugh.

Mercury nodded in agreement, stating that she still had homework and Mars reluctantly agreed.

"Mamoru-san, you'll see Sailor Moon home right?" Jupiter asked with a grin.

He blinked and nodded, and Sailor Moon silently mouthed a 'thank you' to Sailor Jupiter as the four senshi departed.

Letting her transformation go, Usagi looked up to Mamoru again and he reached for her hand, taking it as he they made their way down the now somewhat restored to normal roof to the elevator.

As the doors chimed shut, Usagi suddenly giggled.

"Do you remember the last time we were in an elevator together?"

He took a moment to think, then nodded.

"Yeah, everything changed then."

She nodded, biting her lip.

They were quiet the rest of the ride, words forming then dying on her tongue and she was relieved when then doors opened and they walked out of the apartment and into the night. It was really a nice night, full of stars.

They walked side by side slowly, not touching as Usagi struggled to find the words. The courage.

_How silly, I can fight youma but can't even say a sentence. _

"Odango?"

She looked over to him, making a "hmm?" noise.

"You...I'm sorry I forgot about you. About everything." he said sheepishly, still looking ahead.

She shook her head and sighed.

"It wasn't your fault, it was my wish on the ginzuishou, I wanted a normal life...I guess it worked for a while and I was upset to have to be Sailor Moon again but remembering everything, the senshi and you...a strange emptiness I was feeling then disappeared. I guess part of me didn't forget and I kept feeling really nostalgic when I'd run into Ami-chan and Mako-chan at school or pass Minako-chan or Rei-chan on the street. I forgot you, so don't worry."

"Thanks, but still I'm sorry. Though I suppose it worked out right? We still ran each other despite not having memories and it was the same as it had been before."

"You mean fighting and teasing each other? You being Mamoru-baka?"

He laughed a little, putting his hands in his pocket.

"I once told Motoki, it seemed like it always ended up when we met we'd fight. I never really seriously meant it. I was just teasing."

"Yeah, me too. It's funny, even without remembering it seems like we couldn't ignore each other."  
_Mamoru-san, do you...really like me for me or will you want to be with me because of the past? _

Why couldn't she just ask?!

"Usagi, if it weren't for Endymion and Serenity...are your feelings for me or for Tuxedo Kamen or for the past?"

She gasped, blinking.

The same thing she was worrying about was on his mind?! She could have laughed but not quite. His eyes were serious now, they had stopped walking and she hadn't realized it for a moment.

"I...you know, before I even remembered we were Serenity and Endymion I really had a crush on Tuxedo Kamen. I even said to myself 'I really love Tuxedo Kamen-sama!' When I found out Tuxedo Kamen was you, it was so weird. That jerk college student was the same man who'd rescue me and fought with me against the Dark Kingdom? I was in love with Chiba Mamoru? After you were kidnapped, it was really hard for me. I kept trying to be strong but I almost gave up being Sailor Moon but Rei-chan slapped sense into me. Really, slapped me. I blamed myself for you disappearing, and I'd never thought I'd miss you calling me 'Odango Atama'. I was really heartbroken."

She paused, and moved closer to him to stand directly before him, but couldn't help fidgeting and bouncing on the balls of her feet.

"When you were fighting against us, and I had sworn to save you Mako-chan asked me something when her and I were walking home from school. She asked 'Usagi-chan, do you want Chiba Mamoru back or Tuxedo Kamen back?' I was confused at first, not because I didn't know the answer but because by then I had already thought about it and...Chiba Mamoru and Tuxedo Kamen weren't two different people and it wasn't that Chiba Mamoru was Tuxedo Kamen. Tuxedo Kamen is Chiba Mamoru. Does that make sense?"

He scratched the back of him head.

"I think but it'd help you to explain better."

"You see, I was convinced you, Chiba Mamoru, were a jerk and tried telling myself that even though there were times I didn't think you were so bad and I even hated to admit you were really handsome. I didn't know who Tuxedo Kamen was, didn't know at first it was you. But the thing is, you were Chiba Mamoru before Tuxedo Kamen, so Tuxedo Kamen _is_ Chiba Mamoru. It was just you wearing a mask, like me in a sailor fuku. Sailor Moon is still at the end of the day Tsukino Usagi. I mean, you're the same person, right? I realized that it was always you, but without knowing it was Chiba Mamoru behind the mask, I couldn't be stubborn and judge you as a jerk."

"So the mask made you unbiased?"

"Ehh...I..."

He chuckled, and patted her on the head.

"It means you didn't have a pre-judgement or opinion of me."

"Oh, then yes! I...you are Tuxedo Kamen, as far as I'm concerned they aren't two different people. Even so, before I even remembered you as Endymion, I was already pretty much in love with you. So, I mean, my feelings are for Chiba Mamoru and that's what I said to Mako-chan, 'I wanted to save the person I loved, Chiba Mamoru'. Even though you could be a jerk I guess it was like 'you tease the one you like'? Minako-chan said that to me once about you and I. But, I mean, Mamoru-san, you don't have to be with me because of the past you know."

"What?" he asked, confused.

Here he was, worried about her feelings and she was worried about his?

A pair, they really were a pair.

_Odango, you're really something special. We're so different but so alike when it comes to our feelings._

"You said it yourself, we couldn't ignore each other. When we met it was always like a spark exploding but we went about it all wrong and always fought but I never really thought you were clumsy or a crybaby or any of that. I really thought you were cute, but it was sort of fun teasing you. I think it was because I was lonely, and everytime we ran into each other I never felt that. Whenever you were in trouble as Sailor Moon, my blood would boil and I would be compelled to save you. I dreamt of you, always, but never saw your face. I...felt something for the princess but moreso thought 'she could help me remember who I am'. You were the key to my memories, you really were."

"Mamoru-san, I..."

He took her hands, grasping them and silencing her and her heart fluttered again.

Warm, his hands were always so warm.

"Tsukino Usagi, it was you I put my life on the line for, it was you I died for. Like you say I'm Tuxedo Kamen, Tuxedo Kamen is Chiba Mamoru, Sailor Moon is Tsukino Usagi. Before I knew you were the princess, I couldn't help but save you and fight by your side, I was always drawn to you. You're so energetic and bright. That day when I was going to Starlight Tower, and you and I ran into each other and I teased you, I don't remember what you said, but I told you to always stay energetic. That's how I always knew you, so full of life. I was drawn to that about you. I wasn't sure we'd see each other again honestly, and in my own I wanted to tell you I liked your liveliness. We were reborn to this planet, given a second chance. You're the girl I would risk my life for, always you, Usagi. I want to be with you."

Her lip trembled, and a million words were on the tip of her tongue but they didn't matter as she flung herself into his arms and pressed soft kisses to his face and then kissed him soundly on the mouth.

"Really?" she asked, pressing her forehead against his.

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Yes, really. That we happened to be destined to meet is a nice extra, but even if we never knew our pasts I think somehow it'd all work out. You're _my _Odango Atama, my Usako."

She smiled, purely and brightly.

"Usako? Then I should call you...Mamo-chan!"

He laughed, setting her to her feet.

"It's better than 'baka'." he decided.

"Well Usako is better than Odango."

"Does 'Odango' really bother you? It was really a pet name."

"No no, Usako is better. Usako it is!"

They both reached for each other's hand, walking together side by side down the sidewalk and into the night.


End file.
